Dear Women: Patriarchy Not Men!

 

Dear women

I write to you to honour the promise I made to men sometime in March. In what was one of my earliest blog post, I wrote a letter to men to commemorate Women's Day. I asked them to choose to challenge the system that keeps haunting us as sisters, as women living in the shadow of patriarchy. I pleaded with them to take bold steps and help us fight for our recognition as being human not just women. I promised them that I will definitely address them as subjects in my letters addressed to women. Now the time for that has come and I write to you ladies, hoping to address the plight of our fellow brothers.

I write this two days after International Men's Day. Sadly, I have also noticed (I'm sure that you have noticed too) that it is not as widely celebrated as Women's Day is celebrated, but we are not about to get into that. On November 19 every year, this day is celebrated for many different reasons that have to do with men, the major one being to celebrate the contributions and achievements of all men in society. It is the day that as society we should come together and honour the positive contributions that men make to society.

Now, I know some of us might be far gone into this feminism thing that it almost borders on the edges of misandry. So you have all these questions, have men ever done anything positive? Are they even worth celebrating? Are they not the ones responsible for creating this monster we call patriarchy? I get it, I really do. As women we have suffered oppression chained to the rotating wheels of patriarchy and naturally, maybe unfortunately, have blamed men for it. Not to exonerate them completely, but society birthed patriarchy, not men. Men and women breathed life into this patriarchy thing, men claiming dominance and women accepting docility, submitting to what was subjugation and oppression dressed in fancy names like respect and honor. All I am saying is that before we entirely put the blame on men, remember patriarchy is society's baby, and you do not need a Harvard certificate to know that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby.

This year's theme for International Men's Day is Better Relations Between Men and Women. You would think that as humans born of men and women getting together, this would come naturally. You would think the mere fact that nature saw it fit to unite a man and a woman in bringing life would make us equals. The  sacred ties between brothers and sisters sharing a life together, the love that comes with friendships between males and females and definitely the meeting of souls between a man and a woman vowing to spend eternity together, you would think all these ensure that there are better relations between men and women. We have more than enough avenues to stand together as one, celebrating each other's light and living together in harmony. But unfortunately, as the most advanced society, we are far from that.

Dear women, is there anything more fundamental to our collective well being rather than better relationships between men and women? I do not think so. But a closer look at the state of things, relations between men and women are far from healthy. They are still strained, marked by hypocrisy, unhealthy competitions, mistrust, concealed hatred and an urge to hurt each other to prove either that society is right or society is wrong.  The relations between men and women are still under the influence of societal and cultural conditioning, where one sex still believes they are much better than the other resulting in the monster called toxic masculinity and the other sex doing anything to fight that but instead of fighting the toxicity they fight everything associated with it, resulting in the emasculation of men. Masculinity in its true form does not oppress and ought to be celebrated, but well, we fight more than just evils disguising themselves as masculinity, we are fighting masculinity itself rather than cherishing it.

I understand your anger my sisters, even though it  seems misplaced. Each day, horrific stories are told of the predation of women at the hands of men and not just any men, men in their lives, from fathers killing their wives, to brothers stabbing their sisters, male bosses forcing themselves on their female colleagues, uncles molesting their own nieces. We heard millions of voices, female voices rise to tell horrific tales of abuse in the """"$%^^&MeToo movement and as such it would seem our anger as women is justified and almost natural and we have no reason to celebrate men at all. These negative feelings thus become almost natural and can even seem to be unavoidable, as women we have been hurt but hating each other is not the solution.

As women, as society, we will not be able to move forward and call out patriarchy for what it is if we are to treat men as adversaries rather than allies. It takes both men and women to slaughter the monster, our femininity and masculinity complementing each other. It takes both men and women to eliminate bias in the workplace. It takes both females and males to tread a path towards real equality and harmony.

As women, we need to embrace unique male strengths and treat men as individuals. 

As women, we should always remember there is beauty in being either a man or a woman and men and women are not interchangeable and maybe that is a good thing.

As women, we should fight for change but still get to celebrate progress.

Let us not constantly bludgeon men with examples of what not to do, let us take their hands and show them how to do it better.

Again, without losing the sense of urgency that is needed to address gender disparities, let us not lose sight of good men, hear their stories and continue to celebrate them.

Let not our anger lead to a backlash among men who will withdraw as a defense mechanism rather engage to grow and change.

Dear women, let us value manhood as we value womanhood so as to help make practical improvements for positive relationships between men and women. 

Let us keep fighting for a better world.

Happy International Men's Day!

Yours sincerely in the fight for gender equality

Mitchel (a woman).

NOT AN ENTREPRENEUR?

 Reporting live from the unemployment office!

 I do not believe in hell. I believe in unemployment, but not hell- Dustin Hoffman. I have no idea what he means, but in my books unemployment is hell and hell is unemployment.

I have always wondered how it felt like to wake up everyday, make the bed and have to face the reality that you are stuck at home for the rest of the day because you do not have school to attend or even a job to report to. I have sometimes complained of long working days when I would start work at 0800hrs and end the day at 2000hrs. I have cried over the fact that I would work six days a week and get only Saturday off which had to be dedicated to laundry, to grooming, church, family, friends, men, sleep.  I have made fun of the peanuts I would get at the end of the month and I have certainly splashed some money on unnecessary items in the stupid name of living only once. I have also woken up my whining sister in the dead of the night to massage my feet and back after a long day of work, I also have escaped dish washing duty because I actually had a few dollars to have my brother do it. I have balanced school and work like a pro because I had to.

But now, I cannot do all this because my reality is that I am on a proper holiday where I do not have to attend online lectures or submit assignments or take care of the kids and I do not have a job. At first I romanticized this, it really was easy after that one hectic exam week in October which I am still convinced was a death trap. I explained it away as taking a well deserved rest, so I embraced the early nights and late mornings, enjoyed catching up on some favourite shows, solo dates in bookshops in search of old favourites and new discoveries and men in spectacles, laughed like a kid on dates with my favourite human, basked in the joy of writing new poetry and got lost in Brett Young songs and fantasised about visiting Mykonos which is not going to be anytime soon from the look of things. 

Evaluation of first week in the unemployment office: I love it here! I could do this everyday if I have an obese bank balance to fund it.

Then week two had its turn to show me around the hidden compartments in the unemployment office. Suddenly Sunday was a lot like Monday, Tuesday and Saturday were twins. Everything was now just monotonous, something I have been running away from my whole life. And the dishes had to be done too. My head, a mess. And now I would actually feel the first stings of unemployment when I had to ask my mom for money to do my hair and had to nag my Dad for airtime of all things. I felt my independence slide away like it was escaping a poverty infested being and dependence perch itself on shoulders too tired to try and shrug it away. A whole nightmare! So the week ends with an email marathon, an overflow of LinkedIn job notifications, dropping CVs in almost every little corner with a door and a desk. I swear this week alone, I have gained secretariat expertise I am ready to attend to the President's emails.

Evaluation of second week in the unemployment office: Aaaagh !! I hate it here but hey you, there's light at the end of every dark tunnel.

Then third week, well am I not chest deep in this water? Wait; it is tears! You know those tears I once cried for that stupid man, I want them back because I am running out of tears for these painfully polite rejection emails and for the calls which start with an "unfortunately ma'am". Now I have to face the reality that I might spend the holiday without a job which means more than just not having money. I kiss independence goodbye and hope I get the hang on this whole dependence thing. Also, where do they sell marriage at low prices, Shoprite?

Evaluation of  week three: I AM DONE! I AM DEAD! HOW AM I EVEN HERE? JOHN GRISHAM, WHO IS THAT?

Well, there you have it, my first three weeks of unemployment and I have always had a vacation job since 2018. Thing is my life has been simply school and then a holiday which meant finding a job and making my own money so I can take care of my other needs without my parents having to bear the burden of taking care of me. Unemployment comes with a lot of frustrations and overthinking, escapism which sometimes is through the most dangerous tunnels, depression and a whole lot of suppressed feelings which are even hard to identify.

Then there is the entrepreneurship advise which I am sure everyone has had it given it to them without asking. trust me, I have nothing against entrepreneurship, I believe in it, have tried it on countless occasions, will be my go to plan when push comes to shove. I believe in entrepreneurship and its ability to turning around the plight of unemployed youths. I believe in its ability to answer the unemployment question and resuscitate Africa's economic potential. But I hate that have you tried selling this, start something of your own, be your own boss kind of advice. It really feels like rubbing salt to the economic-coated wounds.

However, if entrepreneurship is really the answer, what about the existing frameworks? Can they sustain entrepreneurship? I do not think so.

Firstly, there is no doubt that Africa is the world's youngest population with more than half its over 1 billion population being under the age of 25. As such the future of the continent's economies rests upon the shoulders of the youth. My Zimbabwean experience is that many young people are willing to venture into this entrepreneurship field, even forced into it by this unemployment situation. Youths are all over the place selling stuff, WhatsApp is one big mall where you get clothes from Zambia, Avon cosmetics, eggs from Gutu, grain from Dotito wherever that is, gadgets from China, you name it. Everyone is selling something we might as well be on our way back to barter trading sooner than we predicted. Truth is entrepreneurship at this point feels like a convenient solution to job creation and providing a better shot at a secure shot to Africa's young people. 

But not everyone is an entrepreneur and it is cruel that people are forced to seek survival in areas they do not stand a chance to make it. Majority of people are not looking to be entrepreneurs because it is not something you just wake up and decide to do, it requires skill, tact, market and even worse, it requires money. Majority of people are actually looking for jobs rather than entrepreneurial break through. So yes, we need entrepreneurs but not everyone is an entrepreneur and I have always found it disturbing that the situation is so bad to the extent that if you are not trying to make money the entrepreneurial way, you are labelled as lazy and deserving of the money drought and the fruitless job hunting.

Besides, how supportive is Africa's or even closer home, Zimbabwe's environment to entrepreneurial quests? Zimbabwe's economy is very hostile for most entrepreneurs, talk of limited infrastructure, transportation huddles, capital financing or even basic things such as communication what with data prices escalating like inflation rates nowadays. Huddles exist even in less tangible things such as legal frameworks and competitiveness. We can not even start with politics what with incumbent presidents thrice the age of average young people. The future of Africa's young population is left in the incapable hands of old men who are tasked with driving the youth agenda which they do not even understand because of the generational gap. See the problem of such governance is that it would limit entrepreneurship to buying and selling while neglecting the most fundamental things such as reviving manufacturing, in creating ease of passage into not only accessing funds for cash-flow but accessing raw materials which are very essential. The fact that the country does not have a currency of its own and relies on multiple currencies is in itself a barrier to entrepreneurship. Hyper inflation, absence of proper regulations, standard policies and laws regarding business ethics are just but a few challenges to entrepreneurship in Zimbabwe and these are things that young people cannot control.

So it really is painful to watch everyone try and be an entrepreneur in a quest for survival. How  we have glorified it as the one size fits all answer. Being an entrepreneur is more than just coming up with a business idea. There is nothing shameful about helping others build their dreams. Some people are meant to be  builders and others supporters or followers. It really is like some people being meant to be mothers while others really do not have that maternal instinct to become mothers. 

There are certainly other ways to make your mark in the world so do not beat yourself up for not possessing entrepreneurial prowess. 

We can not all be entrepreneurs!

Till next time

-Mitchel