GROWING IN THE SILENCES

See how nature_ trees,  flowers,  grass_ grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun,  how they move in silence. We need silence to touch souls. - Mother Theresa

I find it beautiful that the inspiration for my first article after a really  long time is a child, a young baby which partially brings to truth the belief that children are capable of doing  anything. For the past week, we have been staying with my sister’s son, he is just a few days away from his first birthday. He is really a smart child, very energetic and hyper active and everyone’s darling. He is truly an embodiment of a happy baby and his joy and energy is truly infectious. 

I am in awe of the fact that the mere act of watching the baby’s interaction with adults and their reactions could stimulate such an adult conversation, a conversation I have always wanted to have but somehow could not find words, the silence in growth, the silence that is adulthood, the silence that is rewarding.

Disclaimer: This is not a piece on fame and all its different, confusing shades. 

The carefreeness of childhood is often punctuated by the need to impress and impressing is often met with rewards which is really awesome because even adults crave rewards, being noticed, complimented and a whole lot of other things that speak to the acknowledgement of their existence. When you learn your first words, take your first step, eat by yourself, you are rewarded with big applause,  songs and praises. When you are 3 and you draw crooked patterns or paint outside a picture or get the first letter of your name right, you are rewarded with stars. You finish reading your first book at 5 and get more books as a reward, score your first goal at 8 and get your first ball. You get an ice-cream for making your bed, get to visit your cool cousins for merely washing dishes or cleaning your room or an attempt at cooking. This is childhood, an era of reward after reward and praise after praise.

The story changes the older you get. As you get older, the less praise you are likely to get. When you are struggling to fit in at 18, you will not even get praise for managing to secure that one friendship. No one is going to hug you for managing an entire WhatsApp conversation on days you are going through a major social anxiety. In the adult world, there is definitely no ice-cream for managing long hours and a mountain of paperwork in a depressing office. 

All this might then lead you to wonder if you are alright, if there is a point in any of it,  if you are to spend your whole life existing in what you think is a vacuum, a world where only you can see the work you are doing, when you are the only person who is aware of how much you fight every day to make it through the day or week. It feels like you are living in an isolation camp whose walls are made up of what looks like people but in reality are just silhouettes, they have eyes but cannot see, mouths which cannot utter anything and limbs incapacitated of giving much needed hugs.

Listen, growth cannot be heard. There is no need for you to bleed on others just to get an acknowledgement that you exist, that you are doing alright, that you will be fine. You are doing alright even if no one is going to write a song about it or buy you flowers for it, good work that determines who you are as a person does not need acknowledgement. So stop waiting for drumrolls, for compliments, for billboard praises, for awe-filled voices saying your name out loud because the person who is going to give you all that and everything is yourself. 

You grow in the silences, the inhales that let you know you are embarking on amazing explorations and discovery of self, the exhales that speak praise to how you have made it from one moment to the other, the silence that is satisfaction that you got you, you will fight for yourself, the silence that is forgiving of the times you let yourself down, the silence that is safe, the silences that are silently rewarding.

Perhaps we are most courageous when we let go of expectations of praise and acknowledgement from others.

Till next time,

Mitchel.