Daddy's Little Girl.

Every girl deserves to be their Dad's princess. What happens if they are not is quite scary and heartbreaking- Siphathisiwe.

 Because he didn't, I had to master the art of being Daddy's little girl in a man who held my hand, hugged me tight, opened car door for me parked outside what I thought was a hotel in Las Vegas yet he called it home. I had to learn in the arms of a man who took me to expensive dinners, who pulled a chair for me, who listened attentively, lay my head on his chest and told me he would fix it and he did.

He did.

One call at a time, one chair at a time, I am becoming Daddy's little girl.

With every hour I spend on the mirror at 1900hrs, I feel wanted. With every honk of that big car by the dark street at 2000hrs, I feel needed. With every purple  and red and white bouquet and a perfect card calling me love or baby at 2010hrs, I feel loved. The holding of hands under the dinner table at 2045, the whole attention as I blurt my childhood dreams in that fancy club at 2200hrs, damn, I am precious, I am worthy all the attention.

Because he did not, I do everything to please the one who does. So I drown the Margaritas in that fancy club at 2215hrs. Ask for some strong whisky instead of some Tequila at 2220hrs, and delightfully lose it when he nods his approval. At 2230hrs, I am all in. Daddy is mine so I will please him, like he pleases me. Bold now at 2235hrs, I have Daddy's arms around my tiny waist which he pays for in that up town gym. My head is somewhere unseen close to the glass floor and I am drowning in this whole noise while his arousal awakens as he follows the rhythm set by my perfect behind trying to please his hungry front. Daddy provides, Daddy's little girl serves.

Because he did not, my knees hurt, these heel straps cut into my ankles but damn they are Jimmy Choo and Daddy bought them for me so they stay. At 2330hrs, The Weekend says he Feels it coming, so does Daddy. So we leave having danced all our troubles and drunk my fear away. 2335hrs, I feel amazing, out of this world. Daddy tries to steal some kisses in the elevator. I feel naughty and that is some wild fantasy so I give in but some janitor gets in. I sober up, I hate the way he looks at me. I say, "Grandpa, you are so judgmental". Daddy chuckles, rubs my back and says to me, "I love it when you are naughty". The janitor watches Daddy's perfectly manicured hands, which are way below my back, something like 15cm away from where my back ends or starts, I do not know.

At 2340hrs, Daddy opens the passenger door for me, I feel amazing. I love how strong his grip is, like the man who would slay for dragons for me. Daddy kisses my cheek and tells me to sleep, he will wake me up when we get home. He cares right? 0010hrs, we are by the mansion on the hill. I love it here, the fresh air which blows my hair away and everything that seems heavy. Somehow, I feel happy, my soul is light as I watch the sparkling pool and I'm elated as Daddy's neatly shaven beard tickles my neck which is bare of anything but a little chain neck with some tiny black opal which accentuates my skin and reflects my soul, black, shiny, beautiful. I love Daddy's cologne, I know it, it is called Dark Rebel Rider, some top expensive John Varvatos brand with some woody scent. Daddy says he will help me start my perfume business since I am so obsessed with them, all I have to do is work on a detailed business plan. Daddy is a whole meal, and so am I.

0030hrs, I cannot hold it in anymore. Daddy says he is teaching me a relativity lesson. So I am an obedient, attentive student and willingly let him do all the work. Last time we had the handcuffs, I do not think I want them ever again. So Daddy opts for something else. He calls it 69. Feels good but I have to fight so hard not to gag or puke, there is always a bitter end and a sweet one, funny how one can have both at the same time and enjoy it too. 0040hrs, I am beyond reasoning. Drowning in a pool of ecstacy and what seems like mucus only that it came from a strange place. My thoughts are wild and naked. So I want to be naked too. Daddy can not keep his hands to himself but he wants some play. A daddy who plays with me, that is really something  I have always wanted. So what is more funny than a tutor who wants his student so badly that he wants his body on hers and she in equal measure wants all the loving like it is a ritual. With every stroke, I forget my name, with every caress I forget home, with every scream, groan and moan, I am filled with purpose, I forget that mama says I am useless, I forget that the real Daddy never loved me. With the throbs of a violent orgasm,  I lay there on the spacious bed and the white sheets, spent, mended, defeated, filled, conquered and healed.

0130hrs, I lay there in Daddy's  warm embrace. He kisses my forehead, heaven. Holds my chin up and looks me right in the eyes, "You're precious, my little girl" and that is all that matters. To know that I matter, to know that I am wanted, that I can make  a grown man moan, that I am worth something. As I feel Daddy's light snores of a satisfied man, his rhythmic heartbeat, his legs entwined tightly around mine, his hands pressing my head closer to his chest, sharing the air we are both breathing, I regret nothing. I do not feel ashamed or remorseful, I feel safe here. I am protected from everything that would have hurt my little fragile heart which was never loved by the first man who was supposed to love and protect it. So I give in to the calls of sleep with a content smile on my face. And tonight, I do not dream of chocolate papers and piggybacks and the attention little me craved. I am content, here tucked safely in the arms of a stranger. All that matters is I am Daddy's little girl.

And at 0600hrs as I watch the sun rise through Daddy's glass walls, I am grateful for a taste of a love I longed and yearned for from one man who did not care enough to grant it.

Because he did not do it;

One bed at a time, I am wholly loved.

One notification at a time, I am spoiled.

One call at a time I am  wanted.

One chair at a time, I am Daddy's little girl.

One man at a time.