Dear Men: Choose to challenge.

 

Dear Men

Does anything make a man more happier than receiving a letter addressed to him from a woman? At night? A femme fatale at that?

I assure you this question is not driven by certain stereotypes (you know them) but a genuine need to establish some friendly, common ground (I myself would be happy to receive such a letter lol). Ok, now that we are all warm and wrapped up in our nice, comfy blankets, let us tackle some pressing issues. I'm guessing you call it men talk or is it gents talk?

Generally men are smart (I'm not comparing you to women though), so I'm thinking most of you have heard of March being Women's Month. You have right? If not, then I have just told you. It is not meant only to be celebrated by women it is meant to be celebrated by women and men alike, celebrating women, for both women and men and broadly, for society at large. But still my heart aches at this year's theme, #CHOOSE TO CHALLENGE. Not only is it cliché, it has become so boring over the years because it has certainly become some sort of women's anthem💀💀 and it is so soooo monotonous. Trust me we can do with nicer themes like How To Not Break His PlayStation (and possibly his heart) or How to Help Men Cope When Their Favourite Soccer Team Loses. I  mean we as women are really good people but cone to think of it dear men, 34 years later, we still have to choose such themes not because we are old fashioned but because today more than ever, women still have these barriers they need to break. Out of necessity and out of desperation, they still have to challenge systems old enough to be laying dead in a cold morgue, never to be fought again, but here we are, 34 years later and we still choosing to challenge when we are supposed to be resting!

34 years later, we are still asking the same questions as yesterday's, we are still treading slowly and carefully because the path is still quite dimly lit and thorny and rugged. Our voices are still  hoarse not because we have shouted so much demanding change, but because we've got a 34 year old unquenched thirstiness which has not been offered any water yet, (maybe a little just to keep us long enough to shout a bit more). 34 years later, women's movements are still viewed as enemies of progress when all they have asked for is progressing together. 34 years later, she is still a daughter of Eve, he is still Adam's son and they will never be the same, more so be equals. 

Now before you all fire shots at me, I'm not blaming you for all this. (well maybe I am). All I'm saying is there is a lot to pin this on, men and women alike. We can go for poor strategic planning, we can pin this on how human follies often overcome the good intentions which a movement is truly based on. We can blame this on little understanding of what this actually is, we can say the women want way more than they deserve. Trust me we can list a page of possibilities but in all that, what have men done to contribute to this whole stagnant pool of  women fighting for one and the same thing every other year? 

I know of men old enough to be my grandfathers who think that feminism is a woman desperately trying to get a man out of his pants so she can put them on herself, leaving him naked (like she), leaving him to be ridiculed by young kids in the streets and men sitting on verandahs of old stores exchanging gossip over a cup of beer. I know of gents old enough to be my boyfriend who believe feminism is taking away their golden crowns and bestowing it on a woman's head just so she could rule over him and his ego is hurt he now can't face his peers. There are boys young enough to be taught the right thing, who believe and are taught that girls are fragile, docile and emotional beings hence they are not as strong and resilient as them boys hence they believe the football field is not a place for girls. There are fathers who believe that they can buy toy cars for only their young son who does not even love cars and buy a sweeping broom, some small playhouse utensils for their daughters, daughters who love following them around whenever they try fixing their cars.

 I know my facts are not unfounded and you know it too and you're wrong in believing that this is what women want. You're wrong in believing that women want to usurp power. You're wrong in wanting to believe that women are greedy little things who see challenging a patriarchal system as a little game they can play whenever they meet up. Waking up everyday thinking of challenging everything, thinking of working extra hard just to get that same recognition is as tiring as is holding on to power you know you do not deserve.

Dear men, when women are saying they are feminists, they mean you have been wearing the crown alone all this while, can we find a jeweler to make me mine exactly like yours so we can face the world together. When they say they choose to challenge, they do not mean they want your pants but they want theirs, designed just like yours, fitting them perfectly so that they are able to face and fight the world by your side.  When women say they want a matriarch, they are saying, let me complete the whole thing, let me be the matriarch to your patriarch that way we become stronger and united and invincible.

So until men understand that we are not fighting them, then we'll always choose to challenge that notion. We choose to challenge that girls are taught to be careful and dependent where men are taught to man up and be brave . We choose to challenge a society that raises girls who are timid and average and settle for less because if they are too learned, no man will ask them out, if they are successful, then no one is going to marry them, yet their boys are taught to chase success all the way up so they can have an woman they want. We choose to challenge a system that demands that our mothers be submissive to husbands who do not respect them at all, to husbands who provide nothing but a night of tears, babies  and prayers almost always never answered. We choose to challenge the plight of our sisters who have to bear the burden of shame for losing their virginity before marriage, yet our brothers and  boyfriends' body counts count as a conquest. Women choose to challenge that they are like you and should not be punished for it. 

So yes, as a woman writing this to men I say forgive us for wanting to be like you, to having the same opportunities as you. Forgive us for no matter how old the chants of feminism and equality become, they shall be our song till it's dawn at last. 

So whatever labels come with being feminist, let them be, for I would rather be obnoxious than be complicit in my own dehumanisation and that of other women as well. 

Dear men, I also promise you that should you find yourself victims of a matriarchal society, then I would fight for you with the same vigor I fight for women, for as a woman I would know how it feels like to be in that position. And also as a shout to all the men who have always been allies in the feminist movement.

So dear men, this was in no way a call for a fight but an invite. I invite you to choose to challenge hiding your insecurities and fears behind an imbalanced scale of power and oppression of women. I invite you to give meaning to long lost terms of man and women together, of Ammon and Lisa, of Yin and Yan. I urge you to give opportunity to women to complete and complement you while you do the same.

So as cliché as it seems dear men, please choose to challenge the world as you see it now.

Till you appear as subjects in my letters to women on Men's Day.

Sincerely

Mitchel.